i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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