remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My dick has a subreddit
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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