dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
