went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize