How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize