Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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