Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
