her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
