I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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