Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Someone came in the potted fern
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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