Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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