OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
