I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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