did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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