I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
