Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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