We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
