I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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