I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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