No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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