Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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