Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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