I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize