oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize