i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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