do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
