I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize