Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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