I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
