i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
