Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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