How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
