Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
