the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
