he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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