you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
