Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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