she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
