How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
