He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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