I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize