xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
