I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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