may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
