I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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