dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Come on in and take your pants off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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