God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
