Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
