I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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