So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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