eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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