Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
