I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
