i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
