just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
