Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
