Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
