After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
