how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
