seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
