I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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