The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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